you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
