We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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