I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
