have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
