Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
