he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
