Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The air was thick with penises
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
