Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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