did you get engaged???
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
