Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
