your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
