You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she peed on how many people?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
