They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Randomize
