Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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