if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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