you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
