Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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