She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
