I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
