he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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