So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
