am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
