Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
A+ Viking dick
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