Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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