Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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