Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
