i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
