Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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