i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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