i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
