that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize