My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
