She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
