Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
