She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
