Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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