shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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