you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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