just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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