Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I bet he comes in French.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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