I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
