Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
