so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
