Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
