Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize