doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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