Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize