woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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