I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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