Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
