I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
