Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
