my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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