Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
