My underwear smells like fireworks.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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