My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
