hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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