Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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