that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
