Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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