Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
