I want to stick my p in your. b.
Jerry, you need to find god
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
