ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
