i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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