There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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