i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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