I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
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