He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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