shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize