Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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